NO

Last week the executive branch of the federal government moved to dismantle the Department of Education, while simultaneously using the Department of Education to launch DEI investigations of some college campuses and withhold funding from others. 

It got me thinking.

Letter for letter, NO may be one of the most powerful words in the English language. (There are other great candidates. You can’t beat “I” for efficiency, ego, or Cartesian duality, but today I’m thinking about communication between people – and while “YES” is by far my personal favorite, YES is built on understanding and possibility. NO requires no context, and I’m breaking the glass to get the tool we need for today’s emergency.)

NO.

NO is self-preservation. Protective armor. A hard stop.

Every kid on the elementary school playground intuitively understands the leverage of NO. 

But NO doesn’t always come naturally. It takes guts to say NO. We are social animals. We need connection through approval, affection, and a sense of belonging. We worry that NO will escalate tension to the point of breaking relationship bonds and even threatening our security or safety. Denying or rejecting someone else can cause resentment or lead to violence, and these days you never know who’s packing. 

It takes even more guts to test a bully’s power: “Make me.”

As intense as it can be to assert ourselves on the playground as emotions take over and spectators gather, that is nothing compared to the interpersonal dynamics of NO when the playing field is not level. It’s hard to stand our ground in the face of an authority figure in the classroom. Or the sports team. Or the religious organization. Or our parents’ house. Or at work. Authority figures demand that we follow orders on threat of punishment. Maybe they’ll even cast us out of the garden and leave us to fend for ourselves.

So most of us go along to get along. We are socialized into compliance long before we develop personal boundaries or communication strategies. The strategies that make a student successful in school (and more likely to become a professional educator) all revolve around supporting the status quo. The people who run the zoo are the people who won the zoo, and since the zoo provides credentialing, income, and social status, the zoo itself must be preserved. The game is bigger than the players and it perpetuates itself, generation after generation. Teachers are some of the most conflict averse people you’ll ever meet.

But what happens when the zoo is twisted into a shape that undeniably hurts people? What happens when people shoot the zookeepers and the animals in greater numbers every year? Or when the zookeepers demand that the animals pray to the zookeepers’ gods?

We must reclaim the power of NO before it’s too late. NO is a relatively peaceful, even kind way to prevent further harm in our society. The sexual violence prevention program No Means No has proven that “self-defense interventions…have been found to be effective at significantly reducing childhood sexual violence victimization in both humanitarian and stable settings.”

We need a collective self-defense intervention. The vandalism currently occurring in the federal government will mess up your life and mine for a good long while if we allow it to continue. Going along with things in the hope they improve on their own isn’t good enough. Following orders was no excuse at Nuremberg and it’s no defense now. If one parent is beating a child, and the other parent stands idly by or – worse – rationalizes the beating, they are both guilty.

As philosopher John Rawls put it, “Justice does not require that men must stand idly by while others destroy the basis of their existence.”

If you are a teacher, remember Paolo Freire’s words: “There is no neutral.” When you do not stand up for the right things you tacitly reinforce the wrong things. 

Of course, we already know how hard it is to get someone to do something they don’t want to do. Advice columns practically exist for the purpose. Every day I am filled with wonder by my fellow humans who steadfastly refuse to wear seatbelts, stop drinking, or do even the most basic things to ensure we have clean air, water, and food for a little while longer on this planet. 

Many Americans feel a pressing need to do something, but many of us also feel like we have limited authority and influence. The truth is that you have more power than you think. 

Think about the last time you called customer service. You have to beg and sit on hold for anyone who has the power to say YES, but every front line representative has the power to say NO.

You too have the power to say NO. 

Our NO can bring us all closer together. Whatever else may divide us, we can agree on some basic NOs:

Destroy our environment? NO.

Destroy our standing in the world and our personal financial portfolios by inflicting nonsensical tariffs and allowing dictators to kill our allies? NO.

Hurt our most vulnerable citizens and residents? NO.

Destroy the institutions our parents and grandparents in both parties built to steward and support the effective operation of our society? NO.

Allow rich campaign donors to treat the United States government as their own company? NO.

NO. 

Call and write your representatives. Vote in the midterms. Tell everyone in person and on what’s left of social media. There are times to be quiet and this is absolutely not one of them. 

NO.

Take heart: There is life after NO. NO doesn’t have to involve conflict or violence. Revolution is a popular choice for storytellers, but there are more subtle and effective options. Moving data, organizing somewhere else… Sometimes, closing one door with a NO opens a conversation and a new range of possibilities. The United States of America was brought into existence by a direct response to a wealthy, powerful, temperamental, delusional leader – can you imagine the world today if the founders hadn’t said NO to King George?

When did saying NO make a difference in your life? Drop me a line – I’m curious!

Curiosity is worth practicing. That’s how we get better at it. When it’s done particularly well, curiosity can be elevated to an art form. Curiosity makes life worth living. I am literally Curious AF. And now you can be too! Click HERE to unlock your free membership subscription. 

Here is a taste of what I’m reading, watching, and thinking about.

I have always appreciated journalism that combines integrity, research, and insight. In years past I read the work of writers like Matt Taibbi, Glen Greenwald, and others who simultaneously spoke truth to power and illuminated issues for the rest of us. I even felt a cheap thrill in 2014 when Citizenfour (the documentary about Edward Snowden that won an Oscar and prominently featured Greenwald at work) showed a book by Cory Doctorow on a nightstand, and I realized yet again how Open-Source Learning connects people all over the world with each other and the truth.

So I was a bit shocked when I read Eoin Higgins’ Owned: How Tech Billionaires on the Right Bought the Loudest Voices on the Left. The book made me realize that I had missed the trend – I hadn’t even thought to ask, “Whatever happened to Glen Greenwald or Matt Taibbi (among other journalists)?” Not only does Higgins answer that question, he provides the integrity, research, and insight I mentioned above to create “an educational and enlightening alternative to the constant churn and ‘flooding the zone’ of the news cycle.”

I never get tired of hero’s journey stories that challenge ideas of good and evil, especially when life calls a character to action in an unexpected way and presents that hero with unforeseeable obstacles, allies, and opportunities. It’s a bonus when the hero experiences what Joseph Campbell called “The Meeting With the Goddess” in the form of a pudgy doofus in a Batman jacket. These are just some of the reasons I’m enjoying A Killer Paradox on Netflix.

This past Sunday I woke up at a Southern California beach hotel. My wife and I got a cup of coffee and sat on the patio. Then we went for a run. Before we checked out, I walked on the warm sand past the beach volleyball tournament to put my toes in the water and stretch. That’s it.

Only the pure in heart can make a good soup.

– Ludwig van Beethoven

Thank you for reading! This publication is a lovingly cultivated, hand-rolled, barrel-aged, ad-free, AI-free, 100% organic, anti-algorithm, zero calorie, high protein, completely reader-supported publication that is not paid to endorse any political party, world religion, sports team, product or service. Please help keep it going by buying my book, hiring me to speak, or becoming a paid subscriber, which will also entitle you to upcoming web events, free consultations, discounted merchandise, and generally being the coolest person your friends know:

Best,

Know someone who is also Curious AF? Please share this edition with them!

David Preston

Educator & Author

​https://davidpreston.net​

Latest book: ACADEMY OF ONE

Header image: No Mug by David Preston